Preparing For A Tour
After spending over a month apart, these little moments mean everything to me.
WRITTEN BY SAMMI CARAMELA (SST MEMBER, WRITER & EDITOR)
I don’t know about you, but my brain struggles more with the anticipation of my partner’s absence than with the actual absence itself. Of course, that’s not to say I don’t miss him during our time apart, but the weeks leading up to his tours are especially brutal. It’s almost like my mind is preparing for a permanent goodbye—pre-grieving our relationship, and him, in a sense.
Logically, I know he isn’t actually leaving forever; but unfortunately, my brain doesn’t always respond to logic. As someone who struggles with OCD, I find that I experience distance more intensely than others. I dwell on the idea of him being away for weeks with limited time to communicate, obsess about whether he’ll be safe, and dwell on a bunch of terrifying worst-case scenarios.
And so, I spend the entire month before his tour facing all this uncertainty and fear.
This mindset isn’t healthy or sustainable, so I’ve been trying to explore new ways to navigate this anticipatory period. From pre-tour rituals to reassuring conversations, my boyfriend and I have worked together to ease the transition a bit. Here’s what I’ve found to be most helpful.
Establish Protected Quality Time Before Tour
Rehearsals, travel plans, and other logistics can soak up your partner’s already-limited time in the weeks leading up to tour. That’s why it’s crucial to set aside quality time for just the two of you—and protect it at all costs.
As a supportive partner of a touring musician, you deserve to be a priority in the pre-tour ritual, too. Whether it’s a dinner date before all the chaos ensues or a weekend dedicated to just the two of you (sans tour-talk), this one-on-one time is crucial to building security and connection before your weeks or months apart.
Discuss Tour Logistics Ahead of Time
When will you guys find time to connect? How often do you expect touch base? What form of communication (text, FaceTime, phonecall, voice memos) feels best for you? Will you visit them on tour? Discussing these logistics will help you understand what to expect from each other, so you’re not left in the dark.
Additionally, it helps to know where your person is in the world when they’re on tour. Keep their tour schedule on hand so you can follow along their journey, even from a distance.
Pursue a Passion Project
As a writer, I dedicate most of my book-writing to when my partner is away, using that time to further my own career. In relationships—especially with partners in the spotlight—it’s easy to lose your sense of self or become a supporting character in someone else’s life. However, using your time apart to connect with yourself strengthens your independence.
When you find yourself missing your partner or feeling lonely, pour that energy into your own passions, whether it be weight-lifting, painting, photography, yoga, solo traveling, or even redecorating your home. Choose a project you’d like to prioritize, and make it the central focus during the tour. That way, you have a (productive) distraction to lean on.
Make Plans With Your Support System
Aside from your own solo plans, be sure to schedule plenty of time with loved ones while your partner is away. Think about the friends or family members you’re usually “too busy” to see. Can you carve out time to visit them?
Fill your weekends with as many exciting social events as possible so you’re not overly relying on your partner to fulfill all your emotional needs. Whether you’re in a long-distance relationship or not, it’s important to maintain a support system outside of your romantic connection.
Schedule Something to Look Forward To With Your Partner
Having something to look forward to always lifts my spirits when my partner is away. Whenever my boyfriend and I feel the weight of the distance, we talk about what we’ll do once he returns home. Usually, this involves a weekend spent at home binge-watching our guilty-pleasure show with our favorite Vietnamese takeout. After spending over a month apart, these little moments mean everything to me.
